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Test3

"Our declining environment may bring the people of the world together as no politician, philosopher, or war ever could.  Environmental problems are global in scope and respect no nation's boundaries.  Therefore, people are faced with the choice of unity and cooperation on the one hand or disunity and a common tragedy on the other."

 

 

6、

Cooperation---or Tragedy?

 

The solution to the world's growing environmental problems may have to wait awhile. It has been said that "environmental problems are global and respect no nation's boundaries."  Unfortunately, pollution and its consequences still fall to large measure on those least likely to do anything about it: poor countries willing to sacrifice anything in order to sit at the table with the world's wealthy.

 

As far as the industrialized nations of the world are concerned, the world is a big place. Environmental destruction taking place outside their borders may sometimes be fodder for government pronouncements of concern, but few concrete actions.  Deforestation of the Amazon, for instance, is of vital concern to all those who wish to continue breathing. But the only effective deterrent to this activity,  the restriction of international aid money to those countries showing net deforestation, has been stalled in the United Nations by those unwilling to "interfere" in the internal politics of other nations.

 

Because of the differential impact of polluting activities around the world, and even in different regions of a single country, many governments will undoubtedly continue to promulgate only modest environmental regulations.  Costs to polluting companies will continue to carry as much weight as the benefit of a pollution-free environment. Particularly in the current political climate of the United States, the well-documented expense of today's pollution-control measures will be stacked against the unknown long-term effects of  polluting actitivities.  "Why should I spend millions of dollars a year, which causes me to have to raise the cost of my goods or eliminate jobs, if no one really knows if air pollution is all that harmful?  Show me the proof, " an air polluting company  may demand.

 

Realistically,  it won't be until critical mass is achieved that  the hoped for "choice of unity and cooperation" will be a viable one.  Only when the earth as a whole is so polluted that life itself becomes increasingly difficult for a majority of the world's people will there likely be the political will to force global environmental laws on governments worldwide.  But the optimists (read: environmental activists) among us continue to believe that the world can be shown the error of its ways.  They continue to point out that the sky is probably falling--or at least developing a big hole.  The world, as a whole, ignores them.

 

One would hope, however, that governments, perhaps through a strengthened U.N., could somehow be forced to realize that when the Earth reaches the critical mass of pollution, it may be too late to do anything about it.  That would be a "common tragedy" indeed.

 

评价

This excellent response displays an in-depth analysis of the issue and superior facility with language.

 

While acknowledging that environmental problems are serious and of global dimensions, the essay explores the complexity of international cooperation.  Such cooperation, the essay argues, runs into a variety of problems, and the writer offers persuasive examples to support that point:

 

-- the unwillingness of nations to "interfere" with other nations through

   political measures such as restriction of foreign aid

 

-- inadequate environmental regulations, which are caused both by "the

   differential impact of polluting activities" between countries and

   regions and by the difficulty of comparing the "long-term effects of

   polluting actitivities" with the more easily documented, short-term

   costs of reducing pollution.

 

The essay distinguishes itself in part by its excellent organization.  The first paragraph analyzes the claim and announces the writer's position; the second and third paragraphs provide clear examples supporting that position.  The skillful use of a quotation from a business person vividly illustrates the economic impact of pollution controls.  The last two paragraphs bring a sense of closure to the essay by continuing the theme announced in the first paragraph -- that cooperation must wait until more dire circumstances produce the political will necessary to reduce pollution.

 

The essay exhibits superior control of grammar and syntax, with only minor errors.  Transitional phrases -- "because," "however," "for instance" -- help guide the reader through the argument.  Also, effective sentence variety and the use of precise word choice help confirm the score of 6.

 

 

5、At no other time then in our present time has the need for unity and togetherness been more necessary to the inhabitants on our planet.  For many decades the motto has been one of waste and denial.  The world is in  a race - racing to become number one - racing to destroy the earth.  Traditions of protecting the earth have been abandoned as the need to satisfy  infantile needs and desires wins out over the more philosophical desires of thought and meaning.  Unfortunately many do not see the need for reforms in actions and thought; people are living for today and not tomorrow.  Those that can believe in a future, and exhibit a desire to make a difference in this future must find a way to influence the remaining masses, and often it seems that the world simply refused to listen or learn from its past mistakes.

 

Those that answer this calling will not do so for notiority, but instead for their beliefs that they can make a difference.  They will need to be of strong heart, body, soul, and beliefs. Understanding the need for an overhaul in our system in the rampant abuses is the first step to obtaining advancement in the struggle to bring the world together in a way that will benefit mankind today and tomorrow.

 

For too many years American's have persuaded themselves that the envirnoment was in no danger.  Every year laws have been passed to protect our land, animals, and even our people.  More often than not there are loopholes in these laws, allowing the environment to remain in peril.  It seems that we often forget that we are not the only ones on earth.  We are only a small percentage, and much too often our actions have a great effect on those that must subsist on this earth as well.  One threatening example of this is the depletion of the rain forests in the Central and South Americas.  It seems difficult for Americans to understand how these people can destroy their natural landscapes.  Not only is the landscaped destroyed and the invaluable plants and animal life are also destroyed, and these can never be recovered.  Americans express their annoyance at such practices, failing to see that we as consumers are one of the main causes of such actions.  As a consumer society we depend on wood and other materials from these areas. Unfortunately these areas are nothing like what we see at home, instead it is a world of unimaginable poverty and harshness.  In these areas where poverty is so prevalent often the only means of survival is found through the clearing of the precious rain forest for farm land.  Certainly the fact that these people are farming in order to maintain their survival is important and can not be over looked.  Yet, in most cases the farming is not done as a means of raising food and livestock for their own uses.  This land is usually used to grow food for other countries such as America.  This scenario depicts the wickedness that has become of our world.  The first world nations are destroying the second and third world nations in order to fuel our excessive desires.

 

The world must find a way to come together so that there will be a tomorrow for everyone.  New legislation must be passed that protects not only the environment of America, but the environments of other countries.  Big business must also realize that they can no longer use dirty legislation and kickbacks to continue to pollute the earth.

 

Another important aspect that people must learn is that if we cannot learn to recycle and reduce waste, one day we will run out of dumping ground.  It is frightening to think that this is what it will to take to make most people realize that actions must be taken to clean up our earth.  It seems that we will only be able to come together when there is not other alternative.  Perhaps the must unfathomable thought is, what happens if people do not unite together now to protect our environment.  It can only seem that we will once again be threatened with war as we fight each other to death over the last precious miles of land and food.  Civilization will have come full circle; all of our technological and scientific advances will mean nothing if the earth is destroyed and mankind subsequently wiped out with it                                              

 

评价

This is a generally well-developed essay that examines the complexities of the issue and demonstrates good control of the elements of effective writing.

 

The writer strongly agrees with the topic's claim and uses the first paragraph to expand on the idea that environmental problems imperil the earth.  These problems, according to the writer, derive from people's lack of maturity ("infantile needs and desires") and lack of foresight ("people are living for today and not tomorrow.")

 

The third paragraph provides a highly relevant example of the complexities involved in the issue, showing how damage to the rainforest can be attributed both to poverty in Latin America and to the voracious appetite of the wealthy North American "consumer society."  From here the writer returns to the focus on planning for "tomorrow" and proposes a specific remedy ("New legislation must be passed????")  The essay closes with a passionate description of a negative scenario for the future.

 

The response is well organized but, unlike a 6 essay, does not sustain a tight focus.  Although the example of the rain forest degradation is highly relevant and fully developed, many of the reasons and assertions receive only cursory development or explanation ("new legislation must be passed????  It can only seem that we will once again be threatened with war????").

 

The sentence structure in the essay is often nicely varied ("Not only is the landscaped destroyed but????"), but it is at times choppy ("This land is????" "This scenario depicts????" "The first world nations????")

 

The vocabulary is generally well chosen, with words such as "depletion," "unfathomable," and "subsequently."  However, the phrasing is at times imprecise, as in these examples: "We are only a small percentage,"  and "At no other time then in our present time has the need??? been more necessary????"

 

 

4、

Our declining environment may bring the people of the world together as no politician, philosopher, or war ever could.  Environmental issues are a growing concern in our country today.  It is an issue that concerns every person, no one is excluded.

 

Facing and solving environmental issues calls for unity and cooperation.  Prejudices should be put aside in this time of need.  Without unity our world as we know it will not exist in twenty-five years.  People as a whole need to take action.  Without unity and cooperation little will be accomplished.

 

There are many environmental issues we are facing today.  For example, recycling is a simple and effective way to help the environment.  If everyone did a small part the results would be enormous.  Recycling is a good example because it is something every single person is capable of doing.

 

There are many ways people of any age, race, or sex can contribute to help the environment.  Emissions testing for exhausts on automobiles is one way to help keep unnecessary pollutants from contaminating the air.  Very few cities require emissions testing for automobiles.  Columbus, for example, does not require emissions testing.  My small hometown of Amherst, Ohio does require this test.

 

I believe the government needs to implement stricter regulations regarding environmental issues and also increase the funding that is allotted for it.  Mandatory recycling laws with a stiff penalty for breaking the law is one solution.  Funding for groups to do research is imperative.  Without research there is very little we would know about anything including diseases and microorganisms.

 

People of the world need to understand the situation our generation and generations to come are faced with.  This understanding needs to come from education.  The United States has always been a forerunner in wars, peace talks, etc.  It is now time for the United States to be the leader in solutions to environmental concerns.  The greatest barrier in any situation is communication.  If we communicate with each other and work together instead of apart results would be seen.  Education is another great concern, especially in underdeveloped countries and third world nations.  There is a lack of education in many of these countries.  Education is the key to success.

 

In summary I would like to emphasize the importance in unity and cooperation on global concerns such as the environment.  Also education is very important in making headway.  I also believe the government should get more involved in these issues.

 

 

评价

This essay presents and supports an adequate analysis of the issue.  After stating the need for cooperation on the environment, the writer proposes several very specific remedies for environmental problems: recycling, emissions testing, research, education, and communication.  The detailed description of emissions testing is useful; however, the other remedies (recycling, research, etc.) are not developed fully or persuasively.

 

In some areas the essay suffers from needless repetition.  Paragraph six, for example, moves from education to communication and back to education.  The conclusion, moreover, adds little, merely repeating earlier statements.

 

The control of grammar and usage is generally competent, but the sentences tend to be choppy.  Although most of the ideas are stated clearly, the relationship between the ideas is not always made clear: "Also education is very important in making headway.  I also believe the government should get more involved in these issues."

 

3、

    WORKING TOGETHER FOR EACH OTHER AND THE ENVIRONMENT

 

Our Environment, if we take care of it, it will take care of us.  CFCs destroying the ozone layer, hundreds of acres of the rain forest being destroyed daily, smog-infested air to breathe, global warming, world population increasing at an exponential rate, these are but a few of the things that we need to not only think about, but find ways to deal with them.  We are not given this world by our ancestors we are borrowing it from our children and our children's children.  We spend so much time trying to fix other countries problems, when we should be incorporating them in working toward solving the environmental issues.  If we do not this huge, living planet will eventually  become a lifeless hunk of rock floating in the large universe.

 

There are many ways that we can begin to work on these problems.  First  decrease the amount of CFC production and usage.  Second save the rain forests, which are being cut down to make farmland that is not properly maintained.  In a few years this farmland becomes infertile and more land is needed; thus more of the rain forest is destroyed. Educating farmers on different crops that will replentish the soil and keep it fertile.  Third develop alterative methods of  power other than fossil fuels, such as more hydro-electric,solar,and wind generated.  The increasing population is going to require more food production as well as other needs.  We need to be willing and able to manage our resources to meet these needs.  If we work together we can accomplish the things that are necessary to protect the Earth and our future on it.

 

评价

This essay presents a clear position on the issue but is limited in its development.  The author first argues that everyone needs to cooperate to solve environmental problems and then lists the ways in which "we can begin to work on these problems": lowering CFC's, saving rain forests, developing alternative energy sources, and increasing food production.  Although the proposed solutions are clearly relevant, they are not sufficiently explained, nor is the topic's claim about the challenges of international cooperation adequately addressed.

 

The overall organizational plan is adequate: introduction, list of solutions ("First???? Second???? Third????"), and a conclusion.  Within the essay, however, the ideas are not always organized logically.  In the first paragraph, for example, the sentence about "our ancestors" is followed abruptly by the idea that we need to work with other nations.  The writer could improve this essay by clarifying the connection between ideas and by explaining these ideas in more depth.

 

Sentence-structure problems (run-on sentences, fragments, lack of parallelism) appear throughout the essay: "We are not given this world by our ancestors we are????"  At times, the sentence structure is so awkward that the reader is somewhat confused about the writer's intended meaning: for example, "incorporating them in working."

 

 

2、Environmental problems will require a joint efferct amoung people to solve, however, environmental problems may not cause people to come together.  Should the problems continue for an extended period of time before any effert is made to solve them, they will reach a point of no return no matter how people come together to work on it.  When this happens there will be increased shortage in our natural resouses.  As supply of our resouces goes down and demand remains the same or goes up there will be increased presure to claim what resouces remain.  So instead of people working together to solve the problem, they will be fighting for what's left by the problem.

 

To solve this, people need to come together before the problem reaches a state of no return.  This may be hard to do since the effects of environmental problems are not yet felt by a large degree (if felt at all) by everyone.  At this point in time many feel it is not there problem to worry about since it does not immediatly effect them.  To remidy this people should become more aware of their current environment.

 

 

评价

This response is seriously flawed.  The essay's strongest feature is its fairly clear position:  it agrees with the claim that environmental problems will require cooperation and presents a scenario for what will happen if there is no cooperation -- conflict over diminishing resources.  However, the position is not adequately developed.  Threatened "resources" and the "effects of environmental problems" are mentioned but not specified, and the essay does not provide any examples of how people might "come together" to address the problem or how they might "become more aware of their current environment."

 

Some of the sentences are worded clearly ("So instead of people working together???"), but others are so flawed by imprecise word choice that the meaning is difficult to understand:  ".??爊ot yet felt by a large degree (if felt at all) by everyone."

 

Also, a pervasive pattern of errors, including run-on sentences (the first sentence, for example) and unclear pronoun referents keep this essay at the score level of 2.

 

1、

In todays society we spend to much time addressing issues that will not prepare us for the trials and tributlations facing our young people.

 

For example, there is a war on drugs that is effecting every family in america, without any consideration for race, gender, or enthic background.  This country needs to develop a systerm on how to deal with this ongoing problem effecting americans.  There are certain issues that constantly take center stage in america; for example race relations has return to the horrible days of the fifiths.  There is know doubt that we are facing troubling times, and we are not paying attention to what is going on. We need to get back to our value systerm, family, work, church, and responsibility and emphasis to our children the importancy of education and respect of others.  If we provide a healthy model we can help curve the violence and mayheam the that is destroying our schools, cities and states.

 

Finally, if we are proud of being  americans, less take this problem and do something about it by diversity training and multi- cultural activities.

 

Sincerely,

 

评价

This essay provides little evidence of a coherent response to the topic and contains severe and persistent errors in language and sentence structure.

 

The essay seems to define "environment" broadly, though vaguely, as the "cultural environment."  While the idea that environmental problems are fundamentally cultural in origin could be the basis for a promising essay, this response does not coherently develop that idea.  Moreover, the writer does not address the issue's claims about international cooperation.  Instead the essay jumps from problem to problem without adequately describing those problems.  For example, "the war on drugs" is referred to as a problem, but it is not clear whether it is law enforcement's "war" on drugs or people's use of drugs that is the issue.

 

The essay contains numerous errors that interfere with comprehension.  These include errors in word usage ("emphasis to our children," "less take this problem") and grammar ("race relations has return to").  Finally, the essay ends with a closing ("Sincerely") that is more appropriate for a letter than an essay.

 


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